Me

Damn right, I can. Buhlee dat.

Like Method Man and Mary J.

To get by. La Da.

Kotext Message

The sole reason for this post is to show you this Kotex TV ad from down under, pun intended.

No Love

Oh, sad sacks! I spotted this photo of Jennifer Love Hewitt on a cheap box of perfume. Although for some inexplicable reason The Ghost Whisperer is a successful show and she can't possibly be that bad off, in the past year we've all seen her Party of Five for a backside, and she broke up with her Feyoncé Knowles. So, I thought it was kind of funny that this article on The Insider referred to her as being bummed.

Anne Hathaway Ain't Shit

A few days ago, I read about this band The Vassarettes that was put together for the purpose of promoting this brand of women's lingerie. They are contractually obligated to perform in their underwear. I also happen to have a group of rockin female friends who all went to Vassar College, so I immediately had to send them a link to what I'd read. I haven't seen a few of these lovely ladies in a minute, so I have written this poem, and am dedicating this post to them.

I want to see you (In your underwear) ⓒ Kangsta 2009

drop
your pants
lets dance.

meet you guys at The Mug at midnight next Founders Day, ok? I'll supply the boyshorts.

Dropping The Balls

Yenifel and Nanky, the couple down the road with the mean goat are the proud parents of a beautiful little girl, Usnavi. In the Dominican Republic, there is a high incidence of this biological syndrome that they locally call Guevedoces. That translates to "eggs at 12." "Eggs" are slang for testicles, and the age of 12 is typically when puberty begins. Do you see where I am going with this? See, little Usnavi in her pretty dresses, and frilly socks one day started to feel strange. Something started growing from her lower abdomen. Surprise. Dick surprise. Dude looked like a lady. What I'm trying to tell you is, although the Dominican Republic may have the hottest girls, If I were you, I wouldn't stake any early claims to betroth a Dominican girl. I'd wait to find out whether or not she turns out to be a man or a woman.

Something Special, Girl...

It's no bitch in a box.

Girls Girls Girls

March is women's history month, so this blog is about to get super femmed out. This one goes out to Foxy Brown, Planned Parenthood, sick grannies, prescriptions of valtrex, and those of you ladies who keep it tight, aiight.

Perfection

Spotted on Brooklyn's New Lots Ave. I bet this place was the bomb.

Love, No Limit

Wake up, wake up, wake up it's the 1st of the month. I am excited to kick this one off with a report about this very special place that I finally found the other day. You see, months, and perhaps even as much as a year ago, a pair of my best people were out in the Coney Island/Brighton Beach/Sheepshead Bay area getting what some people believe is earth's most superior pizza and baklava, and reported back to me that they saw a 99¢ store with it's own parking lot (rare commodity in nyc) that looked kind of like a castle. I knew I had to go. And on two other occasions, myself and the lady of the pair have attempted to find this magical kingdom, but were not successful. On Thursday, we took the car out on another one of our frequent journeys of random, and lo and behold, we finally found the promised land. I present to you, Brooklyn's finest bargain shopping secret - 99¢ The Limit: "The Superstore"

This store is a 99 cent store in the truest sense. So many of the 99 cent stores around the city are 99 cents and more, heavy on the more. Everything here is 99 cents, or less. You can even buy by multiples.

There is no way I wouldn't love this place, but it became really obvious that this was going to be a special experience while we waited patiently for a parking space. You see this sign?

and this is how people were parked.

I love idiots.
So yeah, this store sells everything, from the hardware store, to your undergarment drawer. Frozen foods, and fresh bread, including kosher goods. They even had a section specializing in treats, toys and decoration for Purim baskets.

The patrons of the store by majority are Russian jews (orthodox and non), and Latinos and that's to be expected in that particular neighborhood. It makes for a ton of great people watching.

What up, Grams? I like ya style.

So to be completely serious for a few seconds, 99¢ The Limit is actually a really good store if you're broke like me and need to squirrel your money. I found foodstuffs, and all kinds of random things that I wanted to buy, but managed to control myself, and only walk away with some Herr's Ketchup flavored potato chips (I only ever find them in Long Island!) and a pop-tube of Pillsbury Flaky Golden Layers biscuits (another fave and supermarket rarity). Now, of course, I didn't take pictures of these items. As per the usual, I present to you the items that you should probably spend a little more money than a dollar on, the awesomely and oddly named, and the things I think are just plain jokes.

Spend More Money:

The Awesome and Oddly Named:

I needn't say more.


Gotta.


Wouldn't make a half bad Drag name, right?


You've seen it. Similar to the logo, in the trampstamp position. On Shayla, the lumpy girl with the acne scars in front of you on line at the water park.


Buy it. I'd like to see you try.



Sing it with me - Why you comin' home, 5 in the morn'...is something goin' on? Lemme smell




Like Alfie the 13 year old alleged father in England.


Treat your baby with a little bit of Old Yeller.


Samuel L. Jackson. Deep Blue Sea:

Coincidentally, I've had a cringe-worthy line off the soundtrack in my head, and have been saying it inappropriately for weeks now because it's that bad, and I just can't stop myself -
"my head is like a shark's fin!"
-LL Cool J, Deepest Bluest


Kotex can't decide if they want to control your menses


Or allow it to flow free

Jokes. Mad Jokes.

Ok, so you can't exchange books.


But there was no sign saying you couldn't return or exchange underwear (which they had TONS of). Swear.


Holler. In hindsight, I should have bought these.


That cutie corn stick knows he just signed his death certificate.

Um, Gross.
Enhance.



No.

Here's where shit gets real retarded.

Told ya.


You see that, right? It's a durm.


Happy Air Conditioner toy, for the kid who from the start seems to respond to the ads on daytime tv to get your degree in air conditioning repair without needing a G.E.D.


Play house come along game = greatness.
Mini The child likes the thing = great greatness


And I think to myself, what a vonderful world.


Notice - markers, not sand.




This was on the back of a toy cosmetic set. Infant.


Jokes. I told you.