Wednesday, November 04, 2009

Girl, I Need To Check Out Your Box

I'm like the gynecologist of Engrish. Defa Lucy is my favorite. If I were an pimp she'd be the top ho in my stable. Her box always pleases.

Defa Lucy touching mermaid

Defa Lucy PrincessAlign Center
Mermaid, Princess, and a Frog Prince? Fairytailz. Ur doin it rong.

Defa Lucy Mermaid Talk
She might also be a tranny. Not that there's anything wrong with that.

Defa Lucy Day Full Of Snowflake
Are they saying she's high on cocaine?

Defa Lucy and Friends in the snow
Um, yes. There might also be some dust involved.

Defa Lucy Summer Wears
This btw, is from the front of the same box. I know you're high but pick a season, ditz.

Defa Lucy Sweet Living Room Style
That would have made more sense on the front of this box.

Defa Lucy Cup of Coffee

Defa Lucy Cup of Coffee
Mmm she just wore em up. Not a scrap left. And then she slowly dipped, she dip, she dip.

Defa Lucy Stylish Suits
I don't care how beautiful, I would vanquish those demonic suits, just showing up, season after season...

Defa Lucy Sexy Pink Skirt

Defa Lucy Sairy & Her Teacher Box
I love that it's the pencil holder that is aware of this knowledge now.

Defa Lucy Sairy & Her Teacher Box
I think the tiny computer and Chris Brown should have a face off to see who can transform ya most.

Happy Family Defa Lucy
Happy Family, Gay Dad. See how he's reaching for that purse, even with a broken arm?

Lucy Will Bring You A Nice Mood
I thought that was Mary Jane.

Defa Lucy Box
Her question-finger is in the right place, but question mark...not so much.

Defa Lucy Happy Family Box
Ah, happiest childhood memories, walking away from the bar. What is this Defa anyway that it has a bar, and a Lucy?

Thursday, July 02, 2009

Dat Scat

I really don't know what is up with the bathroom decoration situation at 99 Cent stores, but we've previously seen these wall hangings of old people on the toilet and statuettes of kids on toilets. I recently went to a 99 cent store in downtown brooklyn and stumbled upon these other wall hangings. I would like to be a fly on the wall in a production or design meeting at the companies that make these things.

Old Man Toilet
I don't want to see his old balls or anything, but that could get really messy.

Old Lady Bano
What is abuela holding on to so tightly? She's totally hurting her hemorrhoids. And the gato.

This is where it gets really fucked up. I'm not going to say a thing.
Plunger Kid

Stinky Poo on the Toilet

Stinky Poo on the Toilet

She Better Wipe

Stinky Poo on the Toilet

Puppy Pull Down Your Pants

Boy Toilet

Boy Toilet

Boy Toilet

Monday, June 22, 2009

Oh. Bah. Mah.

Obama 99 Cents and General Store

First we heard about Obama Fried Chicken here in New York. Two of them in fact. This one also sells Pizza. This Obama 99¢ and General Store amazingness was captured in Cambria Heights, Queens. and sent to me by my friend Billy.

Wednesday, June 03, 2009

As Seen On TV

On Monday's premiere of The Tonight Show With Conan O'Brien he went to a 99¢ Only store in Los Angeles and picked up a can of Boing! soda before throwing it in the gutter. I happened to be watching TV, and have a habit of taking pictures of the screen when it pauses, so I snapped it.

LA 99 cents Only on Conan O'Brien Tonight Show

Conan O'Brien Tonight show Premiere with Boing!

Wednesday, May 20, 2009

On My Wavelength

Party Shirt #1
Originally uploaded by zsumoz
My friend sent me a link to this flickr set of t-shirts that were originally corny statement tees from a dollar store, and were altered to say something else. All of the black ink is original to the shirt and the red has been added. I love them and want to be friends with the people that made them.

Tuesday, May 12, 2009

China Is Amazing

I was just talking to my friend Tone Tank about how amazingly China spits our culture back at us, remix style. This is a great example.

Bat Superman

Bat Superman

Let's look at all of the ways this is amazing.
1. Bat Superman!
2. Val Kilmer and George Clooney as Batman on the package.
3. Gold flaming thighs.
4. The Wind-up toy, classic army crawling stance, with guns (we all know neither Batman nor Superman uses guns.)
5. The idea that Batman and Superman enjoying their pleasure together would create something like this.

I need to think real hard about where I saw this last week, and go back and buy it.

Friday, May 08, 2009

Do You Ever Have That Not So Fresh Feeling?

Flomo Erasers

Crotchblock it with
Carefree Thong

Take two of these
Norforms Feminine Suppositories

And call me in the morning.

Thursday, May 07, 2009

Quick To The Point

To the point, no fakin'.

Butt Bucket

Tuesday, May 05, 2009

Now I've Seen Everything

Shaved Eyebrows Classic Royalty Durag 2

Shaved Eyebrow Stocking Tie On Top

Shaved Eyebrows Visor Durag

If you stare into this guy's eyebrows long enough he will whistle out a genie. Swear.

Wednesday, April 01, 2009

April Fools

Glass Crack

Truthfully, I would like this better if it were novelty ass crack, a fake butt you can strap on, and fool your friends into thinking you got ass raped with a plunger like Abner Louima, but that's sick and I'll just pretend I never thought that.

Wednesday, March 25, 2009

Go Shorty. It's Ya...

Cavalier Baby Oil

On this very special episode of 99 Sense, a shoutout goes to the birthday boy. My special friend, and the aristocrat of bumboclaat. A dashing and dynamic being. The always debonair, carrier of the distinct air of individuality. A co-conspiritor in nastyness, the one and only Cavalier. Rapper. Artist. Hustler and haver of the illest techniques to save chicks from dying of alcohol poisoning.
The first time I ever met this dude, it was just like the bottle says - fast absorbing. And as far as the rest of the label goes...I'll never tell. ;)

Friday, March 13, 2009

Some Kind Of Wonderful

I just noticed this separated at birth:

Countour Shoulder Pads

and Mary Stuart Masterson! Right?!
Carry on with your lives now.

Wednesday, March 11, 2009

Your Blue Heaven

To the azuliest woman I know and her lovely lady love, this post is for you. You see how it all comes together? I think you should create a dance move called the Fruit Rolls. Make it your signature, and tell it Kangsta sent you.


African Lesbians

Wig Crypt Chick

Looking Like Kim Zolciak

Doesn't this chick straight up look like Kim Zolciak from the Real Housewives of Atlanta? Somebody ought to ring that heifer up and tell her that her cancer/not cancer and it's less than yaki weave accessory has been ressurected from the depths of her imaginary biopsy and is coming to get her like she's starring in a japanese horror movie.

Tuesday, March 10, 2009

Yay Girl Yay!

RuPaul is Lettin It All Hang Out

No tuck is everlasting. RuPaul is letting it all hang out. I've been a big fan of RuPaul for quite some time. I think his drag steez is so on point, and not over the top like a lot of the ugly overdone characters I've seen put on. I watched his show on VH1 (I miss you too Michelle Visage) and If I had cable right now I'd have his Drag Race show on DVR, never to be deleted. This post goes out to my boy James, my college-era RuPartner in crime, I love you deep, honey in my closet. You betta work!