Saturday, November 24, 2007

Help a Ho Ho Ho?!?!?!

The best nation is a donation. A homeless man told me that, and I think it's important for me to spread the word. TV and movies tell me that homeless men usually have all kinds of secret informations, and can help solve crimes, survive through natural disasters, and can lead us to the sacred cross dagger of Ajanti so we can save The Golden Child.

So let's pretend my computer hard drive is The Golden Child. Sardo Numspa (bad guy) has kidnapped "The Golden Child" and it is contained, powerless, in a metal cage surrounded by evil on all sides. You (readers) are all Chandler Jerrell (Eddie Murphy) and your money is Kee, his trusty, sexy sidekick who really does all the asskicking.

Come and save the fucking Golden Child. OK? You, Chandler, get your Kee together, forgive the naked bum who took your hundred dollar bill, and go get that sacred cross dagger of Ajanti. Why? Cuz I-I-I-I-I want the knife. Please.

That's not even a smart analogy, and I wrote it anyway. See how much help I need? It goes beyond not having a computer for months and months. Sally Strutherize my ass. I'll even take a picture of my bloated stomach, and find some flies to put on my face, and write you like a damn pen pal.

You know you want her.

in painless installments of .99¢ maybe?
miniscule nuggets of currency.
help a sister out.

Friday, November 23, 2007

Rememories - Black Friday Failed Me

Ayo everybody, I'm sorry for not posting in a long time.
I miss you.
I miss me.
I miss crap.

So wha happened was, my shit-ass computer decided to stop working after less than two years, and I don't have the money to get a new one, or to fix it. No more black-friday door-busting, low budget electronics for me. I also have tons of 99 Sense photos trapped inside said shit-ass computer, and I gotta pay to get em out. No money, mo problems. Turns out blogging about crap in discount stores isn't very lucrative.
But since I've been a very good girl this year, maybe Santa will bring me a new laptop. I may even pray to baby jesus.

Anyways, here's some celebrity breaking news, fresh from TMZ. Avril Levigne & Derrick Whibley shop sensibly.

Broken celebrities,
Please buy me a new computer.