Footstart Program

Ankle socks for President in 2016

99 Cents Goatly

can someone confirm whether or not the goat stampede was successful in keeping prices down at 99¢ Only stores, or if they actually went up?
Thanks.

Hey Hey Hey

it's

I'm not going to sing a song for you, but I will show you a thing or two...

I took a trip over to Brooklyn's Phat Albert Warehouse in Lefferts Gardens a while back, and found a most hilarious collection of Defa Lucy Dolls. This brand of dolls has definitely become my favorite thing to look for in discount stores thanks to the guaranteed laugh inducing copy on the boxes. Engrish, I love you so. Let's get started.

First up - The Elegance Series

Although I do love her stylish crocheted gowns that remind me of the Jamaican mesh explosion of the 1990's there's nothing much funny here until you get close up. Enhance.

Effulgent bead in slap-up thread? Oh, I'm mad cuz she's stylin' on me.

And from the side?


Brilliance and sparkling notions! I suggest everybody much more open out their noblest and elegant which are always latent. Please. Show us what you're working with.


Defa Lucy is a great source of elegance. This time she's getting married.





I've seen Super Cool Gal before, but this time she's black, so I'm going to join in this team, as requested. We have to stick together.


In an epic battle of copycattery, Real Barbie has fashion fever with little hangers, and drawers that open.


And in this corner, Fashion Girl with her swagger jack packaging has new fashion styls.


and a fashion neckcloth.
Keffiyeh's are what all the gay cool mormon hipster transplants to nyc are wearing these days, so this round goes to Fashion Girl. Barbie, consider yourself pwned.


This Defa Lucy appears to be some sort of flower garden variety. Let's check out what her box has to say:

well, in my opinionation, the sun is going to surely shine.


Here we have a pair of Black Russians.


Or, according to what the box says they're up to, they may be Icelandic. I remember reading a couple quotes from Björk a long time ago about how Icelandic people get drunk in the winter and scream at each other, and have sex in the snow between buildings. Sounds reallyromantic.


Check out Ballet Sheila, with her dulcet music.
She's all Zoe Saldana as Eva Rodriguez in the movie Center Stage, rolling with her vanilla crew of anorexics

Balletdancering of new century to the tunes of Michael Jackson and Jamiroquai.
See for yourself:



Oh, I'm wrong for that.

In all, I have to say that I was impressed by the racial sensitivity and care that was given in stocking these particular Defa Lucy dolls. Phat Albert's warehouse gets a thumbs up from me. Na na na, I totally had a good time.

So What Does It Cost, Used?

I've been sitting on this gem for a while. It was definitely the best message I recieved via my phone in 2008. This is a real store in Chinatown. Major props to my homegirl EA for being the eagle eye.

You, On Blast

By the way, I found some of your shit on my blog, and If you don't claim it soon, I am going to throw it out.

In summation,

Lines/Lioness

Okay, facts. I said I can do that. I was checking my trusty Dollar Store news, and saw an article that I just had to say something about. See, this lady right here apparently went beserk in a Family Dollar store, when she was told that the line she was waiting on was shutting down, and she had to move to another register. I know that shit is annoying, but was it really enough to:
a) hand your 8-month-old child to a store clerk, so that you can
b) pull some hair up out a scalp,
c) wayne brady choke a bitch, and
d) bite a cop?

Um, I don't think so. It ain't that serious, ma. Those furious fists, ghetto anger, and no nonsense attitude is not going to get you anywhere but central booking, and you can't ring up there either. But as a consolation I found a way you can save 20¢ next time. I love you.

I'm Crap

Yes, It has been months since I posted. I seem to go through this. I am unfortunately stressed out because I need a real job that will cover my expenses, and when I'm stressed I can't write creatively, only factually. So here's what I'm gonna do - I'm going to post a video of Ellen Degeneres shopping at the 99¢ Only store. It was on her show, and people tend to visit this blog looking for that video. So X gon' give it to ya. (I am X.)



P.S.
Someone give me a job. A good one. I only buy crap, I don't take it. Zing!

They Tell Me, I Tell You

I've gotten about 30,000 e-mails from my friends in the past two days about this article in the New York Times, How to Survive in New York on 99 Cents, and the accompanying 99 cent store meal that Eric Ripert, Executive Chef of Le Bernadin, created.

Good looking out everyone. You know I don't read the New York Times. I also obviously don't need a 5 star chef, and a world renowned journalistic institution to tell me that all the good shit on earth isn't worth all the money they pay for it. Prices are going up. Wah! Now you see what it's like to look at your receipts, and make sure you didn't get robbed at the register, work your way up to $24 in your bank account so you can finally access your money by ATM machine, and pump your fist and cheer for your dusty complextion when you find St. Ives Apricot Scrub for a dollar rather than four.

The next thing you know, they'll be telling us that Soulja Boy (tell 'em) is the next big underground workout guru, inspiring people to get off their asses and crank their way out of obesity. Just so you know I told you first, I supermanned a ho, and it cured my diabeetus. Cranking That Robocop is working my cholesterol levels down like Mary J. Blige in 1994.

What Must They Think Of Me?

I check my traffic log, and often find myself laughing at the keywords that bring people to this website. Since I haven't posted in a minute, I thought I'd share to tide you over. A new post will be up soon, promise.

The consistant number 1 keyword search term that brings people to this site is Banana Tits. People search for such weird stuff...Here's my list of some of my faves in alphabetical order:

99 cent black phone sex
99 cent store personal lube
99 cents store musical los angeles
99 in spanish
agressive lesbo
banana tits
bastards poisoned my kid
bear oil for hair
before and after pictures of people who used mane and tail shampoo and conditioner
big black dick brooklyn
big black gay dicks
black hair is so sexy in the summer
black hair model agency
britney upskirt adventures
britney's maids sweatsuits
bucktooth stereotype
c.p time clothing
cheap abortion nj
club bitch day
counterfeit arm and hammer toothpaste
crack is back t shirt
crappy valentine
crazy hat store in jersey city, new jersey
creative memories consultant sued by company for selling on ebay
deaf filipino in new jersey
deficate
deficate in dreams
do you like dick totts?
fat tits an-accordion
fereshte farsi
filipino maids white babies
fist/arm mens ass pictures
fleshlight advice
fuck you emc mortgage
furtado fakes
giant banana tits
hair and but ass fat black girl
how to read pregnancy test from the 99c store
i love my nappy hair clothing
is vietnamese toothpaste safe
kinte cloth kitchen
la lakers sherwin williams
lesbionic woman
little orphan annie upskirt
long pointy banana tits
me chinese man, me make joke
me chinese me play joke origin
oh da toilette
old tussy
omarosa booty pic
penis overhang pictures
rain bonnet snapshot
sambos pizza
schatar eye
schmoogle
shooting at fred's dollar store
shovel shaped eye teeth
shovel shaped teeth
squeeze my ass jokes
tattoo of fereshte
tips how backflip figure skating
tommy lasorda drunk interview
upper eschelon lesbian
vagina sue
wash your ass video game music del tha funky homo
what isaw women douching pic
white flight jokes
whitepeoplesaywha
www.boners.vom

I don't think posting this will make the keywords of the future any less hilarious, and I guess that's kind of the point. Perverts, weirdos, and fans of National Geographic style boobs.....welcome.

CP Time

One time, I was at the $2 movie theater (R.I. Motherfucking P.) with a bunch of my friends watching the Sigourney Weaver flick Copycat. The theater was packed, not surprisingly, as a $2 trip to the movies in Manhattan was the steal of the 90's. During a climactic scene on a rooftop where Sigourney is nearly killed, when the cops finally show up after the showdown, this kind of drunk guy who'd been annoyingly grumbling throughout the movie exclaimed about the arriving police "Always late....just like my brother!" I don't know why I just told you that story because since it's probably not funny to anybody except me and my friends, but I did. And you read it, so the joke's on you. It's also black history month in case you didn't know, and here I am telling you that with 6 days left in the month. Always late....(fill in the punchline.)

I was drawn to this book Black Girl in Paris in a Brooklyn discount store. I didn't read it, since I don't know how, but I found the image on it's cover enchanting. If this book were set in New York, she'd be sporting a showercap, airbrushed corn chip nail tips, and puffing a blunt an hour on some Jaimee Foxworth steez. But it's not. I had to delve into my brain as to what attracted me to this book. And then I realized, I've seen her before. I know who this girl is. It's one of the most awesome black girls on the planet. The one, the only Surya Bonaly.


Surya Bonaly is the blackest and most fantastic and explosive figure skater ever. Born in Nice, France, and adopted by a white lady, she went on to become France's nine time National Figure skating champion, five time European Figure Skating Champion, and a three-time silver medalist at the World Figure Skating Championships. She unfortunately never won any golds in Worlds, or placed in the Olympics, but her unconventional skating style remains one for the legends, with her signature move, a backflip, which she lands on one foot - and she is the only skater in the world capable of doing this. She's basically the love child of 50 Cent and Serena Williams on ice. I used to skate, and when I was a kid, I thought she was the Sugar Honey Iced Tea.

Her Wiki says "Having lost any chance for a medal during the 1998 Winter Olympics in Nagano, Japan due to a fall on a triple Salchow jump, Bonaly decided to end her amateur career with a symbolic gesture: with nothing left to lose, she performed her signature back flip -- an illegal move under International Skating Union rules -- in front of the judges. She then proceeded to finish her program with her back facing the judges."

SO SASSY!

Peep some Video:




Surya now lives in the United States, and does those Professional Ice Skating tours. I can honestly say I haven't had a hankering to see Elvis Stojko in action with his leather pants and vest set spinning through a quadruple toe loop since I was about 12, but now that I know Surya is involved as well, it's on like Donkey Kong. Who's coming with me?