Thursday, May 10, 2007

Fereshte Direct

My Fereshte

It started here. My Persian friend was on a family trip to the Grand Canyon, and on the advice of his Persian mother, bought a statuette of a little black angel in pajamas as a souvenir for me. That was kind of weird because I'd met the woman once. But I'm kinda weird, and I dug it big time. I like to know that I am in people's black thoughts (but do not confuse me with the guy from The Roots). Then I saw the movie Crash, and you know that scene where the Persian store owner guy busts a cap at the little hispanic girl and she doesn't die because the gun was loaded with blanks, and he breaks down all weepy like a bitch and calls her his fereshte? Well, that was the most hilarious scene in that rediculous movie and Fereshte means angel in Farsi. So, I named her that. In this Lomo Pop 9 photo, My Fereshte is perched inside my medicine cabinet, next to a box of "tattoo" band-aids purchased at a 99¢ Only Stores. She has since been injured in a cross-country move, and cannot be repaired with the simple peel and stick of a tattoo bandaid, but I will fix her soon. Especially because she might get some new friends, and I don't want her to have a handicapped deformity-inferiority complex. She's my alpha statuette.

In general I like photographs of toys, dolls and statuettes. They are cute, fantastic and creepy. Brooklyn's Dollar Dream and Jersey City's 99¢ Super Store (more on this place in a future post) supplied some stellar additions to my fancy. I am seriously considering starting a collection of statuettes. Like I need more junk. This post is way too about me, so let's cut the crap and get to sensin.

This is Heidi Klum's new baby Johan cuz the way he's propped up, his daddy must be a Seal.

This is adorable, and looks a lot like me as a baby. They really broke the mold with me, and like Missy Elliot says "my style can not be duplicated or recycled. This chick is a sick individual"
Narcisissm. Bite it.

Oprah's Angel Network

I feel like this is a scene from the aftermath of the Asian Tsunami. Babies floating on giant Papaya boats trying to eat, and survive drowning at the same time. Survival's a bitch.

One more baby and this would have been a hit TLC song.

Future video ho. She has been influenced by rap music at a very tender age, and is attempting to get her eagle on.

That Anne Geddes shit is mad corny.

Perez Hilton has nothing on me. Zahara Jolie and David Banda pose for their first photshoot for Bono's One campaign. 99 SENSE EXCLUSIVE!!!

Afro-lesbian wedding cake toppers. No lie. (Slight lesbo-exaggeration)

White babies are the new Guatemalan maids.
Whoever had the brilliant idea of sculpting a white baby plunging a toilet ought to be my best friend. And you know it ain't her log clog cuz the kid doesn't even use the toilet, she's still in diapers!

At some point, Jesus is going to become more than a role model for Christians, but for the Pro-Ana movement. It's inevitable.

Every statuette aisle has a red-light district for pedophiles and their little baby whores.
Seriously, what's up with that? If you look closely, they even have ass-crackletoe.

It's Oprah as Miss Sophia in the Color Purple: The Musical, and her little Gayle doll.

We just need one more with a microphone and we can package the three up, and sell them on BETQVC as the black american dream trio.

I swear I didn't put that little boy on the dog. But whoever did, thank you.


Valerie said...

kim--you sick hiliarious, my juice went up my nose all over my very important work papers...

i'm sorting grape juice now.

Anika said...

Kangsta, the notorious KIM!
You are brilliant as ever
Your brain is the love child of James Baldwin and Dave Chapelle.
Keep it coming Goddess***

Anonymous said...

Wow. ignorant americans.

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