Girl, I Need To Check Out Your Box

I'm like the gynecologist of Engrish. Defa Lucy is my favorite. If I were an pimp she'd be the top ho in my stable. Her box always pleases.

Mermaid, Princess, and a Frog Prince? Fairytailz. Ur doin it rong.


She might also be a tranny. Not that there's anything wrong with that.


Are they saying she's high on cocaine?


Um, yes. There might also be some dust involved.


This btw, is from the front of the same box. I know you're high but pick a season, ditz.


That would have made more sense on the front of this box.


Enhance.


Mmm she just wore em up. Not a scrap left. And then she slowly dipped, she dip, she dip.


I don't care how beautiful, I would vanquish those demonic suits, just showing up, season after season...


Huh...


I love that it's the pencil holder that is aware of this knowledge now.


I think the tiny computer and Chris Brown should have a face off to see who can transform ya most.


Happy Family, Gay Dad. See how he's reaching for that purse, even with a broken arm?


I thought that was Mary Jane.


Her question-finger is in the right place, but question mark...not so much.


Ah, happiest childhood memories, walking away from the bar. What is this Defa anyway that it has a bar, and a Lucy?

Dat Scat

I really don't know what is up with the bathroom decoration situation at 99 Cent stores, but we've previously seen these wall hangings of old people on the toilet and statuettes of kids on toilets. I recently went to a 99 cent store in downtown brooklyn and stumbled upon these other wall hangings. I would like to be a fly on the wall in a production or design meeting at the companies that make these things.

I don't want to see his old balls or anything, but that could get really messy.

What is abuela holding on to so tightly? She's totally hurting her hemorrhoids. And the gato.

This is where it gets really fucked up. I'm not going to say a thing.

Oh. Bah. Mah.

First we heard about Obama Fried Chicken here in New York. Two of them in fact. This one also sells Pizza. This Obama 99¢ and General Store amazingness was captured in Cambria Heights, Queens. and sent to me by my friend Billy.

As Seen On TV

On Monday's premiere of The Tonight Show With Conan O'Brien he went to a 99¢ Only store in Los Angeles and picked up a can of Boing! soda before throwing it in the gutter. I happened to be watching TV, and have a habit of taking pictures of the screen when it pauses, so I snapped it.

On My Wavelength

Party Shirt #1
Originally uploaded by zsumoz

My friend sent me a link to this flickr set of t-shirts that were originally corny statement tees from a dollar store, and were altered to say something else. All of the black ink is original to the shirt and the red has been added. I love them and want to be friends with the people that made them.

China Is Amazing

I was just talking to my friend Tone Tank about how amazingly China spits our culture back at us, remix style. This is a great example.

Let's look at all of the ways this is amazing.
1. Bat Superman!
2. Val Kilmer and George Clooney as Batman on the package.
3. Gold flaming thighs.
4. The Wind-up toy, classic army crawling stance, with guns (we all know neither Batman nor Superman uses guns.)
5. The idea that Batman and Superman enjoying their pleasure together would create something like this.

I need to think real hard about where I saw this last week, and go back and buy it.

Do You Ever Have That Not So Fresh Feeling?

No


Crotchblock it with


Take two of these


And call me in the morning.

Quick To The Point

To the point, no fakin'.

Now I've Seen Everything

If you stare into this guy's eyebrows long enough he will whistle out a genie. Swear.

April Fools

Truthfully, I would like this better if it were novelty ass crack, a fake butt you can strap on, and fool your friends into thinking you got ass raped with a plunger like Abner Louima, but that's sick and I'll just pretend I never thought that.

Go Shorty. It's Ya...

On this very special episode of 99 Sense, a shoutout goes to the birthday boy. My special friend, and the aristocrat of bumboclaat. A dashing and dynamic being. The always debonair, carrier of the distinct air of individuality. A co-conspiritor in nastyness, the one and only Cavalier. Rapper. Artist. Hustler and haver of the illest techniques to save chicks from dying of alcohol poisoning.
The first time I ever met this dude, it was just like the bottle says - fast absorbing. And as far as the rest of the label goes...I'll never tell. ;)

Some Kind Of Wonderful

I just noticed this separated at birth:

and Mary Stuart Masterson! Right?!

Carry on with your lives now.

Your Blue Heaven

To the azuliest woman I know and her lovely lady love, this post is for you. You see how it all comes together? I think you should create a dance move called the Fruit Rolls. Make it your signature, and tell it Kangsta sent you.

Wig Crypt Chick

Doesn't this chick straight up look like Kim Zolciak from the Real Housewives of Atlanta? Somebody ought to ring that heifer up and tell her that her cancer/not cancer and it's less than yaki weave accessory has been ressurected from the depths of her imaginary biopsy and is coming to get her like she's starring in a japanese horror movie.

Yay Girl Yay!

No tuck is everlasting. RuPaul is letting it all hang out. I've been a big fan of RuPaul for quite some time. I think his drag steez is so on point, and not over the top like a lot of the ugly overdone characters I've seen put on. I watched his show on VH1 (I miss you too Michelle Visage) and If I had cable right now I'd have his Drag Race show on DVR, never to be deleted. This post goes out to my boy James, my college-era RuPartner in crime, I love you deep, honey in my closet. You betta work!