Oh Da Toilette

It's an ungodly hour and I'm awake for no reason. I'm checking out vids on youtube. I breeze by and get sucked into a legendary old favorite. My mind shatters, breaking like the first shot on a pool table. Two balls sunk. One - sends me reeling right back to my recent Toob Tops post; Two - to a collection of photos I shot at a 59¢/79¢/99¢ in Washington Heights, on a tip off from my best girl grip Mackneel. I think these pictures are mad poignant.












Oh, and here's the video I was watching. Biz Markie - Toilet Stool Rap. Along time ago, this song kinda changed the game for me. Biz is the man. Changed it how, I can't quite explain, just know you will forever "doo doo on yourself when my crew come through."*


*Nuk Fam copywrite etcetera, etcetera, etcetera, and you know this....man!

My Maine Man Al

Over the summer, my bestie and her boys took a road trip vacation up to Maine, and they passed this Big Al's Odd Lot Outlet. Because she's a superstar and we basically have matching senses of humor, she had the audacity to dive head first and Scrooge McDuck style into this fortress of discount insanity. These are mostly phone cam pics, so mind the fuzz.

Word to big bird.
Speaking of big bird, do you know what this is?

you couldn't possibly guess it, so I'll let you in on the secret

Imagineering! Somebody obviously thought this idea was an opportunity-stake, rather than a mistake

Hilarious. And always in season.

Another product added to the Hall of Fame of poorly named consumer goods.

so what, I had a lil lolfun

My friend told me there was an entire aisle of doll parts. I have a propensity to do slightly disturbing things with baby dolls, and then photograph them. Por ejemplo, a photo I took in 2003:

My friend brought some home for me. Needless to say, I will be having some fun with my Horsman baby doll parts.

Hello, Kingston Rossdale.

This is another souvenir she brought back for me. Bush Baby soap, with a fetal-sea monkey thing inside. You're supposed to be happy to get that "free toy". I think pro-choicers should throw these when they protest outside of christian maternity centers. They do that right? Anyways, I bet they would scare some not-so-innocent but totally judgemental christian teen girl into thinking her baby's gonna be a hairless meerkat with downs syndrome and gills, and then she'll go "take care of it."

"I'm one of the laziest people I know, and even I'm not too lazy to spread my own butter" quoteth mah friend.

Yeah, cuz everybody be looking in the drawer for socks, with the light off.

I used to have a gag arm/hand like this that my brother and I would leave hanging wedged in the front door of the apartment, or our trunks or pant zippers for scares and laughs when people would come over. I don't see that working with these, and can't think of anything else they'd be used for.

This brought tears to my eyes. Of joy. Hilarious.

There is something really special about sad publications for children. I especially love this one cuz it has a sad Indian boy (I bet he has the Shanti virus), and a lynching in the background.

What catalog do you think they mean? It's probably Lillian Vernon, or Harriet Carter. those things are full of crap. Also, if you've never clicked the link in my sidebar, I'd like to introduce you to Harriet Carter Wednesdays. I want to marry it.

Anyways, feast your eyes on some of the most specific soaps ever devised.

I'd like to see it try to STOP me from wearing jewelry again!
This solution sounds like an abusive boyfriend.

Rock it Retro.

I've never heard them called that before.
As far as I knew, this was Bunchies.
Check out this birdfeeder. It's just an upside-down 3 liter soda bottle! They teach you how to make this shit in elementary school and summer camp. I guess someone hit a closeout windfall of 3 liter soda bottles (cuz really, how often do you see those anymore, your soda always goes flat) and had no other way to move em. Yet another opportunity-stake.

I say good work. Birdie-rrhea on em till the bird flu hits, for all I care. (Sorry Xtian)

So the Odd-Lot is where the millennium took its 40Y2K plan and retired.



Welcome to Zoobilee Zoo. I'm your Ben Vereen.
No animals were harmed during the writing of this blog.


I don't know what this is, but I want it in my house. It's fucking amazing.

Is that like, McGruff? Or is this dog just fronting like he wants to take a bite out of crime?

This is basically a three little pigs "nativity" scene.

"It's your world and I'm just a squirrel, tryna get a nut, so move your butt - to the dance floor, so yo, what's up?"

I know that every time I looked at my desktop computer, I was like, "you know what's missing? A cow."

This t-shirt is another souveneir piece they brought back for me. I will wear it proudly.

So that's basically it for this entry. There are more pics from this jaunt, but I'm saving them for another entry coming soon.

If homoloveulous exclamations and inside jokes make you uncomfortable, I'm sorry, but if your friends were as rocktastic as mine you'd be doing the same thing. Sue me.