Saturday, February 28, 2009

Love, No Limit

99 Cents The Limit The Superstore

Wake up, wake up, wake up it's the 1st of the month. I am excited to kick this one off with a report about this very special place that I finally found the other day. You see, months, and perhaps even as much as a year ago, a pair of my best people were out in the Coney Island/Brighton Beach/Sheepshead Bay area getting what some people believe is earth's most superior pizza and baklava, and reported back to me that they saw a 99¢ store with it's own parking lot (rare commodity in nyc) that looked kind of like a castle. I knew I had to go. And on two other occasions, myself and the lady of the pair have attempted to find this magical kingdom, but were not successful. On Thursday, we took the car out on another one of our frequent journeys of random, and lo and behold, we finally found the promised land. I present to you, Brooklyn's finest bargain shopping secret - 99¢ The Limit: "The Superstore"

Everything 99 cents

This store is a 99 cent store in the truest sense. So many of the 99 cent stores around the city are 99 cents and more, heavy on the more. Everything here is 99 cents, or less. You can even buy by multiples.

8 for 99 cents

There is no way I wouldn't love this place, but it became really obvious that this was going to be a special experience while we waited patiently for a parking space. You see this sign?

Please Park Only Between The Yellow Lines

and this is how people were parked.

Can't follow directions
Can't follow Directions

I love idiots.
So yeah, this store sells everything, from the hardware store, to your undergarment drawer. Frozen foods, and fresh bread, including kosher goods. They even had a section specializing in treats, toys and decoration for Purim baskets.

the limit window
the limit window

The patrons of the store by majority are Russian jews (orthodox and non), and Latinos and that's to be expected in that particular neighborhood. It makes for a ton of great people watching.

Store Lady
What up, Grams? I like ya style.

So to be completely serious for a few seconds, 99¢ The Limit is actually a really good store if you're broke like me and need to squirrel your money. I found foodstuffs, and all kinds of random things that I wanted to buy, but managed to control myself, and only walk away with some Herr's Ketchup flavored potato chips (I only ever find them in Long Island!) and a pop-tube of Pillsbury Flaky Golden Layers biscuits (another fave and supermarket rarity). Now, of course, I didn't take pictures of these items. As per the usual, I present to you the items that you should probably spend a little more money than a dollar on, the awesomely and oddly named, and the things I think are just plain jokes.

Spend More Money:

Hemorrhoid Ointment

Lubrigel Personal Lubricant

Healthcare pregnancy test cassette

The Awesome and Oddly Named:

Holsum Oven-Fresh Bread
I needn't say more.

Must Gum

Frutay Tangerine Drops
Wouldn't make a half bad Drag name, right?

Baktat Grape Juice
You've seen it. Similar to the logo, in the trampstamp position. On Shayla, the lumpy girl with the acne scars in front of you on line at the water park.

Shoppers Foil
Buy it. I'd like to see you try.

Yo Trix

Sing it with me - Why you comin' home, 5 in the morn' something goin' on? Lemme smell

Yo Stick

Jr. Pops
Like Alfie the 13 year old alleged father in England.

Baby Foaming
Treat your baby with a little bit of Old Yeller.

Great Bite Mints
Samuel L. Jackson. Deep Blue Sea:

Coincidentally, I've had a cringe-worthy line off the soundtrack in my head, and have been saying it inappropriately for weeks now because it's that bad, and I just can't stop myself -
"my head is like a shark's fin!"
-LL Cool J, Deepest Bluest

Kotex Control
Kotex can't decide if they want to control your menses

Kotex Freedom
Or allow it to flow free

Jokes. Mad Jokes.

No exchange sign
Ok, so you can't exchange books.

Pile of Tighty Whities
But there was no sign saying you couldn't return or exchange underwear (which they had TONS of). Swear.

Barack Obama 44th President Socks
Holler. In hindsight, I should have bought these.

Gedilla Corn Sticks
That cutie corn stick knows he just signed his death certificate.

Sipaah Milk Flavoring Straws
Um, Gross.

How To Enjoy Sipahh
Sipahh Flavor Meter

Here's where shit gets real retarded.
Toys Brains
Told ya.

Festive Toy Durm
You see that, right? It's a durm.

Happy Air Conditioner
Happy Air Conditioner toy, for the kid who from the start seems to respond to the ads on daytime tv to get your degree in air conditioning repair without needing a G.E.D.

Happy Air Conditioner - Play House
Play house come along game = greatness.
Mini The child likes the thing = great greatness

Happy Air Conditioner - Frees Of Green
And I think to myself, what a vonderful world.

The Art of Sand Painting
Notice - markers, not sand.

The Art of Sand Painting - instructions

Beauty Princess
This was on the back of a toy cosmetic set. Infant.

How big is Uranus?
Jokes. I told you.

Barbershop 3

Black Success Barber Shop
I passed this on the street yesterday. I live for this kind of timing.

Thursday, February 26, 2009

I Got It.

It's called

Pride Toilet Seat Cover

I'm So Excited

Yeah, I heard The Pointer Sisters discovered oil in them thar Jheri Curls.

Ideal Black Gold

Wednesday, February 25, 2009

Meet Judy

The celebration of negrocity continues with this doll I found in New Jersey. Her name is Judy. I think she could be the next Chucky, but I doubt Hollywood would ever give a black girl like this a chance, unless Tyler Perry were involved.

Oh Judy!

She even comes with a catch phrase that could easily be horrorfied on some creepy kiddie voice like 1,2, Freddy's coming for you, right?

Judy Box

I'm going to write a treatment. Don't sleep.

More Holiday Treats

Magic Collection Sweat Bands

Meet dreamboy. He comes equipped with light eyes like Gary Dourdan, T-rex arms like John McCain, and got "The Glow" like Bruce Leroy. Paired with his competitive fashion sense and the dry wit required to pose with so little irony next to well written copy....well mama, I just knew he was the one for me.

Tuesday, February 24, 2009

Begs The Question

Once again, Black History Month is almost over, so I decided I mustn't procrastinate any further in getting this picture up. I found this book in a 99 cent store up in Washington Heights.

What Blacks Owe To Each Other

I walked around the store puzzled, investigated further and found the answer
No Black Love

Even Bobby & Whitney, who doody bubbled me into believing in theirs, got none left. Memories...

Monday, February 23, 2009

Note To Self -

Remember to go back to this store. It is taunting me.

Loco Crazy

Thursday, February 19, 2009

You Put Your Weed In There!

Marijuana Hat

I found this hat at a 99 Cent store in Coney Island.
Wanna know what they found in a 99 Cent store in Willows, California? A $1.3 Million weed farm! WHAT?! (blogger won't let me embed the video, get at me if you can help me figure it out, please!)

I can't help but wonder if they kept any of this in stock
Green Power Spray