Dollar Dollar News Y'all

Hold on to your flying pants kiddos, I added a link to my sidebar that takes you on a google news search about Dollar Stores.
I know. Very exciting stuff.
Ring ring ring.... Hello?
Crimestopper calling!
Now we play America's Most Wanted.

Quad City 5-0 wants you to identify this train.
$1000 Reward.

This dollar store may be declared a public nuisance . I bet i could find some real official fucked up shit in there. Like a crackpipe with a doody stain.

And a fantastically awful Spider Man coloring book was discovered in a discount store. Pictures jacked from this blog. Great stuff.

I am looking for my multicultural pack of crayola crayons immediately upon completion of this post.

Big Up To Brooklyn

Finally! It has happened to me. Right in front of my face, and I just cannot hide it. Did you think I was going to keep on walking, I ain't talking to you anymore? Well, now I've come along, and brightened up your wo-o-orld, because I went out on 2 fantastic 99 Sense missions last week and I'm tossin', turnin. My heart's burning from the things I saw. I've also decided to live my life like it was like a mash up of CeCe Peniston songs. Sue me. That chick had undeniable pep.

So what I dids was

to Fort Greene, Brooklyn, and hit up this sizeable outlet.
it felt
And the first thing I'm going to do is shout out my homegirl. To any and all of my friends reading this, from this point on, if I ever see your name on a discount something, you're gonna get a shout out. Know this!

No Show Ped is something that happens on Law & Order: SVU when the perp jumps bail.

Now, to tell you the complete and honest truth, I'm a hybrid of CeCe-Beyonce-Natalie Imbruglia because I saw so many fantastic things this week that I'm feeling soooo crazy right now, and I'm completely torn about the direction to take this post in. I really need to clear my head. So, when in doubt, douche.

Choose the flavor that is right for you!

Introducing the America Ferrera feminine hygiene collection. Made with Sweet Love. The most trusted celebrity for douching, reminding you that even if your "Betty" down below is ugly, she doesn't have to be smelly.

The reason you douche is because you have a yodel of musk. This takes it down to a whisper.

Correct me if I'm wrong ladies, but if your Gyna smelled like a strawberry shortcake doll, you'd be more paranoid that passersby could smell it, than confident, right?
That or you'd start doing doing yoga to increase your flexibility to get your nose closer to your crotch for some up close sniffies. Strawberry shortcake doll scent was like crack.

By unique cleansing and deodorizing effect, I really hope they mean that they've invited those scrubbing bubbles to the party in your panties. All those little mustaches! Don't front like that doesn't sound like fun.

More like The Lost Book. When you're the former NYC Police Commissioner, and your book ends up at a 99 cent store in the city where you formally commissed, that shit is just cold. They should have outleted these in Boston, where people front like they definitely don't care, but they might buy it because they actually do, and are looking for some more good ideas that are about a decade behind the times.

Finally, a cereal made just for me!

Step on these to break your mother's back.
(corny, I know.)

You know how they say asian guys have little penises? And how chicks love them donkey dick motherfuckers? It's great that the chinese have discovered a supplement that when used in tea tricks women into thinking they've found their very own Long Dong Silver. Crafty asians!

Two Chungs at one time! Threesome Tea!

I've already covered corned beef in juices in this post, but what I find interesting is that both were made in Uruguay. I have to say that I'm slightly intrigued to find out more about the potted meat industry and precicely what part Uruguay plays in it. I love the Guays. Uru, and Para. I'm down with some Guay pride.

I saw this and was like Duh! What else do you do with rice?
Which got me thinking, (not hard, mind you)
Blow Up Rice?
Throw Up Rice?
What else up would you do with rice? Leave me a comment.
I never thought I'd see rice marketed to Oreos.

Don't they mean China?
Oh no, rice again!
(sorry for all the possible anti-asian sentiment today, that's just the way the fortune cookie crumbles)

These two items aren't particularly amusing, but I'm for really real terribly allergic to seafood visually, orally, stomachly, scentally, and the whole shebang. There was a whole section of terrible awful disgusting Vitarroz seafood products and I was only able to capture a couple of the worst offenders before the warm gonna vom juice let loose in my mouth. I will have nightmares for months.

Here's where imagination fun happens. From what I gather, Melloream is some fake milk derivitive. Not interesting. But when i saw the word Melloream and the cow, i thought "Cow Delorean", and imagined that the cow was like, from back to the future, but really from the past, like Oregon Trail days, and That Doc, and Marty and I would ride the flying time traveling cow to places where we didn't need roads, and then we would all die of dysentery.

More fun with my thoughts...At a Los Angeles environmental conference on clean air attended by Governator Arnold Swarzenegger, a Soy Bomb-like heckler bursts through the crowd and hurls this at Arnie exclaiming "Cohagen, give the people air!"

99 Sensing is fundamental. I actually learn things sometimes. I was drawn to the twin elephantitis of this product, but also because I didn't know what Jackfruit was. And If you don't know, now you know, Nigga.
(you like how I brought it back to Biggie Smalls, whose mother famously said "Big up to Brooklyn" at the MTV VMA's when she accepted an award on her late son's behalf. Right? Oh, you didn't notice. Well, that's why I pointed it out)

Black Hair Is

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Breaking News

My best friend forwarded this to me. How she found it, I have no idea, but she's the effin bomb, and I am often greatful of her random acts of thoughtfulness and the way she finds the perfect things that fit into my life. I guess Dionne Warwick and Friends (not the psychic ones) made a good point when they sang That's What Friends Are For. I'm gonna send that girl a harmonica with braids.

Police-Involved Shooting Reported Outside Dollar Store

POSTED: 10:26 pm EST March 1, 2007

UPDATED: 1:36 am EST March 2, 2007

Philadelphia police reported an officer-involved shooting Thursday night outside a dollar store in the Overbrook section of the city.The shooting occurred at about 9 p.m. after police were called to a strip mall at North 56th Street and Lancaster Avenue, NBC 10's Mike Strug reported from the scene. A 30-year-old man was shot outside a dollar store and transported to the Hospital of the University of Pennsylvania, where he was listed in critical but stable condition.

Officers were called on a report of a disturbance in a maroon sport-utility vehicle in the parking lot that had six people inside -- a man, two women and three children, police said. Everyone got out of the vehicle, except the man, who stayed inside. Police said an officer hurt his hand when he attemped to get the man to come out by breaking one of the vehicle's windows with a first. The man still refused to show his hands or exit and a struggle ensued. Strug reported that, according to one account, the man reached for something in his waitband, prompting one of the officers to discharged a weapon, and the man was shot in abdomen. Police are continuing to investigate the shooting.

source: nbc10.com

How much do you wanna bet that this tussle was over some discount maxi pads?
No money?
Ok. You win.

But forreal 'do, my favorite thing about this article is that as you can see from the original posted date, and the updated date, that someone took some time to change something in the article, yet they still overlooked the misspellery ( i know that's not a word) of the two words I bolded, which should be fist and waistband.

Idiot news jerks.

Back Like Crack

I visited Mareb 99¢+ Store Plus (that's what the awning crudely said, the "+" and the "Plus" manually added with tape and spray paint) on Lenox Ave between 115th & 116th in Harlem. It's black history month, ya know? I kindly asked the man at the register if I could snap some pictures around the store. At first they gave me the run around and said I had to talk to the boss. There were 3 guys in the store, and two of them said the next was the boss, and the third said the boss wasn't there. But they eventually came around.

So to kick it off, the cashier would like to know how you're all doing.

Just fine, thanks.

First up, I couldn't believe it. Travel size Ebon-Aide! I haven't found Ebon-Aide for sale since my previously discussed 2002 windfall. Seriously, I couldn't be more pleased. I could end this post, or my life right now.

This is Mabel. Mabel used to be part of a WWF tag team called Men On A Mission, and they were like the Fat Boys of the WWF, and I loved them. See?

Awesome black history. Sing it like Chris Farley in Tommy Boy y'all....Fat guy in a hammerpants......

There's no kitchen-ass weave complete without discount weave bonding spray. For examples of kitchen-ass weaves, please check out the cast of either season of Flavor Of Love, or visit Hot Ghetto Mess. Please.

This product is so pointless, I like to imagine it's for a weather wizard, and when applied 1.21 Jigawatts of raw electric energy will explode from their armpits. And for that purpose, with purchase of this product you're getting the best deal in the whole damn store.

Rich & Thick...This Ketchup should be repackaged and branded for Star Jones. She needs a job, right?

Benign Girl makes a triumphant comeback to the blog. I find it ironic that Benign Girl is endorsing cell phone use, when cell phones have been linked to brain tumors.

With Juices? Ugggggh! I love love love corned beef, but this can makes me want to vom. There is little more disgusting than meat juice. Or can juice. Two of my friends once drank the juice from a can of black beans in my presence, and I'm still traumatized from it. I can feel the hot vomit saliva starting to well up in my mouth right now. I have to move on.

Oh really? The bags work when I'm not at home? There isn't some odor force field that stops working 20 paces from home base like every other plastic bag? I hope you have a patent on this ground breaking technology.

Florida Water Cologne. Hmmm...I'm glad this says it's extract of oranges, cinnamon and florals, because I've been to Florida a few times and what I remember about the water is that it smells and tastes like fart.

Word up, and wash up.
If you don't know it, check out this song If You Must, by Del Tha Funkee Homosapien. It's an awesome reminder to wash your ass, your hair, and brush your teeth or else you'll be funkay.

Do I even have to say anything about this perfect find?
I'd just like to see how they're irregular. I hope they have a seam up the asscrack to lift and give definition like those Bunz underwear International Male used to sell. You probably don't know about those. But I do.

Are these for the kinky and depraved?
For people who call sex "screwing?"
For people who have sex with swine? (Did you know they have curly penises?)
I had to investigate. This is twisted pleasure.
Like fucking Mr. Softee.

I did something new. I checked out the budget DVD section. All flicks are supplied by this company DigiView, and they put out obscure DVD's that look to be of bootleg quality. But That didn't deter me from looking because sometimes the dog eats the wedding ring, and you have to dig through the excrement to find it.
And find did I do!
I picked up a little known movie called BMX Bandits, starring a 15 year old Nicole Kidman. Same rat mouth, less botox.
Check out this interview with her, featuring some clips from the flick

Now, this item is the probably the most awesome thing I have ever found in a discount store. 1982 Phillipine James Bond spoof The Impossible Kid starring Weng Weng, a 2'9" martial artist kicking all kinds of ass. He's the shortest actor to ever have a lead role in a film.
check the clip. No joke, I might have to have a viewing party for this movie.