Oh. Bah. Mah.

First we heard about Obama Fried Chicken here in New York. Two of them in fact. This one also sells Pizza. This Obama 99¢ and General Store amazingness was captured in Cambria Heights, Queens. and sent to me by my friend Billy.

Like Method Man and Mary J.

To get by. La Da.

Perfection

Spotted on Brooklyn's New Lots Ave. I bet this place was the bomb.

Love, No Limit

Wake up, wake up, wake up it's the 1st of the month. I am excited to kick this one off with a report about this very special place that I finally found the other day. You see, months, and perhaps even as much as a year ago, a pair of my best people were out in the Coney Island/Brighton Beach/Sheepshead Bay area getting what some people believe is earth's most superior pizza and baklava, and reported back to me that they saw a 99¢ store with it's own parking lot (rare commodity in nyc) that looked kind of like a castle. I knew I had to go. And on two other occasions, myself and the lady of the pair have attempted to find this magical kingdom, but were not successful. On Thursday, we took the car out on another one of our frequent journeys of random, and lo and behold, we finally found the promised land. I present to you, Brooklyn's finest bargain shopping secret - 99¢ The Limit: "The Superstore"

This store is a 99 cent store in the truest sense. So many of the 99 cent stores around the city are 99 cents and more, heavy on the more. Everything here is 99 cents, or less. You can even buy by multiples.

There is no way I wouldn't love this place, but it became really obvious that this was going to be a special experience while we waited patiently for a parking space. You see this sign?

and this is how people were parked.

I love idiots.
So yeah, this store sells everything, from the hardware store, to your undergarment drawer. Frozen foods, and fresh bread, including kosher goods. They even had a section specializing in treats, toys and decoration for Purim baskets.

The patrons of the store by majority are Russian jews (orthodox and non), and Latinos and that's to be expected in that particular neighborhood. It makes for a ton of great people watching.

What up, Grams? I like ya style.

So to be completely serious for a few seconds, 99¢ The Limit is actually a really good store if you're broke like me and need to squirrel your money. I found foodstuffs, and all kinds of random things that I wanted to buy, but managed to control myself, and only walk away with some Herr's Ketchup flavored potato chips (I only ever find them in Long Island!) and a pop-tube of Pillsbury Flaky Golden Layers biscuits (another fave and supermarket rarity). Now, of course, I didn't take pictures of these items. As per the usual, I present to you the items that you should probably spend a little more money than a dollar on, the awesomely and oddly named, and the things I think are just plain jokes.

Spend More Money:

The Awesome and Oddly Named:

I needn't say more.


Gotta.


Wouldn't make a half bad Drag name, right?


You've seen it. Similar to the logo, in the trampstamp position. On Shayla, the lumpy girl with the acne scars in front of you on line at the water park.


Buy it. I'd like to see you try.



Sing it with me - Why you comin' home, 5 in the morn'...is something goin' on? Lemme smell




Like Alfie the 13 year old alleged father in England.


Treat your baby with a little bit of Old Yeller.


Samuel L. Jackson. Deep Blue Sea:

Coincidentally, I've had a cringe-worthy line off the soundtrack in my head, and have been saying it inappropriately for weeks now because it's that bad, and I just can't stop myself -
"my head is like a shark's fin!"
-LL Cool J, Deepest Bluest


Kotex can't decide if they want to control your menses


Or allow it to flow free

Jokes. Mad Jokes.

Ok, so you can't exchange books.


But there was no sign saying you couldn't return or exchange underwear (which they had TONS of). Swear.


Holler. In hindsight, I should have bought these.


That cutie corn stick knows he just signed his death certificate.

Um, Gross.
Enhance.



No.

Here's where shit gets real retarded.

Told ya.


You see that, right? It's a durm.


Happy Air Conditioner toy, for the kid who from the start seems to respond to the ads on daytime tv to get your degree in air conditioning repair without needing a G.E.D.


Play house come along game = greatness.
Mini The child likes the thing = great greatness


And I think to myself, what a vonderful world.


Notice - markers, not sand.




This was on the back of a toy cosmetic set. Infant.


Jokes. I told you.

Barbershop 3

I passed this on the street yesterday. I live for this kind of timing.

Note To Self -

Remember to go back to this store. It is taunting me.

Hey Hey Hey

it's

I'm not going to sing a song for you, but I will show you a thing or two...

I took a trip over to Brooklyn's Phat Albert Warehouse in Lefferts Gardens a while back, and found a most hilarious collection of Defa Lucy Dolls. This brand of dolls has definitely become my favorite thing to look for in discount stores thanks to the guaranteed laugh inducing copy on the boxes. Engrish, I love you so. Let's get started.

First up - The Elegance Series

Although I do love her stylish crocheted gowns that remind me of the Jamaican mesh explosion of the 1990's there's nothing much funny here until you get close up. Enhance.

Effulgent bead in slap-up thread? Oh, I'm mad cuz she's stylin' on me.

And from the side?


Brilliance and sparkling notions! I suggest everybody much more open out their noblest and elegant which are always latent. Please. Show us what you're working with.


Defa Lucy is a great source of elegance. This time she's getting married.





I've seen Super Cool Gal before, but this time she's black, so I'm going to join in this team, as requested. We have to stick together.


In an epic battle of copycattery, Real Barbie has fashion fever with little hangers, and drawers that open.


And in this corner, Fashion Girl with her swagger jack packaging has new fashion styls.


and a fashion neckcloth.
Keffiyeh's are what all the gay cool mormon hipster transplants to nyc are wearing these days, so this round goes to Fashion Girl. Barbie, consider yourself pwned.


This Defa Lucy appears to be some sort of flower garden variety. Let's check out what her box has to say:

well, in my opinionation, the sun is going to surely shine.


Here we have a pair of Black Russians.


Or, according to what the box says they're up to, they may be Icelandic. I remember reading a couple quotes from Björk a long time ago about how Icelandic people get drunk in the winter and scream at each other, and have sex in the snow between buildings. Sounds reallyromantic.


Check out Ballet Sheila, with her dulcet music.
She's all Zoe Saldana as Eva Rodriguez in the movie Center Stage, rolling with her vanilla crew of anorexics

Balletdancering of new century to the tunes of Michael Jackson and Jamiroquai.
See for yourself:



Oh, I'm wrong for that.

In all, I have to say that I was impressed by the racial sensitivity and care that was given in stocking these particular Defa Lucy dolls. Phat Albert's warehouse gets a thumbs up from me. Na na na, I totally had a good time.