Monday, March 26, 2007

Black Hair Is

In my young lassieness, when I would go up to 125th st I used to see a hair salon called Black Hair Is. My smart aleck ass always had some rediculous "is what?" comment, but I'm not that smart anymore, as you've already discovered reading this blog. I tried to find it in the yellow pages to prove it to you, but it doesn't seem to exist anymore. I guess Black Hair wasn't. When I lived in LA, I used to always pass this salon near my house called Oh! My Nappy Hair, which had an annex called Oh! My Nappy Talent Agency. I wish I could make that shit up. The point of my rambling is that I went into Ralph's Discount City on Chambers St. this weekend, and found myself ackin' like I was doing research for my final paper and updo demonstration at Miss Quantanisha's hair school.

Peep it.

So I used to know this Jamaican dude whose mom sent him up to summer camp with a Tub O' Butter. I know black people love cocoa butter because I am one of them, and I do, but I found it so unbelieveable that until this weekend, I kind of thought I was making it up.

and this is a message in a bottle. from god. that he exists.

Whose stankin ass thought this was a good idea? It's not bad enough that you have excessive hair loss right? They should call this stuff Joke Sauce.
Wanna know why?
Cuz at summer camp one year, I bought a jar of minced garlic at the supermarket and raided someone by putting it in their hair while they slept. Call me hairdresser.

For the Whinny Coopers in your life. Julia Roberts, and Hillary Duff endorsed.

Does the word placenta make anyone else gag? They should call this Deep-Baby-Bagina Shampoo and Conditioner. It would still make me vom, but at least I would laugh first. That sounds messy.

Glowing. Shiny. See the picture on the left?
No joke needed.

Liquid. Vaseline. Bear Oil.
I nearly collapsed.
*Warning* gay dicks. Very NSFW.

I dream that Savon Germicide Idole is her name, and she is a Dominican-Brazilian princess.

The jig is up. Secret is out. Last week on Top Model, Tyra told all the world of the "Black Girl Pat" frequently put to use by those with weaves, updos and careful braids.

Tyra image courtesy of fourfour
Sounds to me like a job for:
when your fingers are just too solid to get up in there.

What up with your homeboys?

all I know is, after perusing the texturizing/relaxing aisle, I considered starting a new blog altogether. Just photos. no words. I couldn't possibly compete with the inherent hilarity.

Just let your soul glo. Let it shine through.

You know who this chick is right? That's Diddy's baby mama Kim Porter. I've always read she was a model, but with her face looking all touched by Omarosa I kind of didn't believe it. But now we all know why she a) stays with Diddy even though he's probably boned Fonzworth up the batty and b) collects child support from 2 celebrities. My mom was a hair model. I know that shit don't pay.

I bet Matthew Knowles pushed Kelly to do this....after her album got pushed back, but before Beyonce got Sports Illustrated. Poor Kelly Rowland got Sub-Solanged. Well, at least her moisture situation replenishes, that will preserve her sexy until her album finally gets released.

If you didn't click on the hairdresser link before, shut your face, don't scroll nowhere, and click this damn video. This chick owns me. I find myself singing this on the toilet first thing when I wake up in the morning. That's way more than you wanted to know about me but it's the damn truth. She's a real tease-a-louise.


johanna said...


wow, i can't believe i watched the whole thing. i wish i knew more about tease louise.. but she's worried and late.

good post!

Ill-Suit said...

I wonder why that song wasn't a giant monster hit?! I know I never want to stop listening to it. I want it at a ringtone. And a ringback.

Also: I'm making that outfit out of glad bags this very weekend.

Ill-Suit said...

Okay, i don't mean to be a blog stalker, but a) you need to post more - there are no discount stores in my area; I miss them.
b) I turned on NPR today right in the middle of a story about Oh My Nappy Hair! (because of all the Imus stuff). How prescient are you? Freaky.

kangsta said...

It pains me. I've been working very long hours. Plus, every discount trip out doesn't result in bounty. But I will work harder. For you. For the people. I love you.

My prescience is long standing, but unfortunately not well-documented. My family and friends can attest to it. When I was a child I thought people were spying on me. I'd wonder out loud why some very particular thing didn't exist, and like 6 months to a year later, my wonder would be reality.

Ace said...

Did you see "Blades Of Glory"? They break out a bottle of "Mane And Tail", the audence laughed and I knew I had seen it all before.

kangsta said...

I heard there was a Mane N' Tail joke in there! I'm so ahead of the times.

Hooper_X said...

hey - found your blog from the guy with the crappy spider-man coloring book.

we have a "oh my nappy hair" down in the ATL as well - here i thought it was just a local thing!