Tuesday, January 29, 2008

Me Chinese, Me Play Joke

A seasoned crap-hunter like myself always keeps an eye out for lapses in language. Today, I'm taking you back to Jersey City, where the toy section had my ass in stitches. God bress the Engrish ranguage.

This is Defa Lucy. She is a super cool gal.

I don't know how they expect people to fit doll clothes, but whatever, I guess that's how they roll in rural china. Poverty = size -000

Really newly experience!

Defa Lucy says "You may use the method to increase the temperature to let my hair change color"
Which method?!? There are so many! Feldenkrais? Rhythm? Suzuki? I like this one.

I'm about to hit you with a barrage of Defa Lucy. This chick was all over the place in many incarnations.

I don't think agile hands and legs are something that should matter to the intended consumers of Defa Lucy. They make her sound like a real doll. Now I can't help but wonder if the modern hair they speak of includes a brazilian.

This Defa Lucy is extra special because she gets a circumflex on her e. Now that I just said that out loud, I hate the word circumflex. It sounds like a bris gone awry.

Musie makes the people come together.

Modes? She's not electronic.

This inspires me to pull my prom dress out of the closet, squeeze in my hiney and wear my finery to a winery.

Grammar, punctuation and the whole shebang. No need to say more.

Here we have a fanciful Defa Lucy. It appears that it's Oscar night, or she's been fishing around in Diana Ross' closet.

Her box reads: Good evening. Ladies and Gentlemen. My name is Lucy. Thank you for your attendance in the star field of city. It is my pleasure to share this wonderful moment with you. I hope you can enjoy this unforgettable performance. Have a wonderful night.

This is perfect, completely true and goes out to my homegirl on the left coast. These exact words will be spoken the next time I see her in person. Miss you!

So, about that Yippee...
A whole land! A reservation if you will. If some dang toys can get a whole Yippee land, I want some motherfucking slavery reparations. Vote for Obama.


I had to hit this box with mad macros. The wording is fantastical. I thought naughty, but that goes without saying, so I'm just going to leave these alone.

There are a lot of faux Bratz dolls on the market. These Funny Angle styling heads are special because they appear to be part of a Saved By The Bell collection.
Jessie Spano. (I was so excited, and so scared)

Kelly Kapowski

Like any of this is going to make a bit of difference if someone is buying a toxic toy that costs about 5 dollars.

Here's another. A Top Angel Noble Girl.
The manufacture may have been skillful, but the spelling and translation was not.

This chick's face straight up freaks me out.
Also, why do all these girls have tranny sized 90's rave style shoes?

OK, here's something great. Somebody downloaded the disney font, and wrote this preposterous story for the packaging of Beauty Castle.

I couldn't capture it all in one frame, so I'm just going to write it out so it's easier for you to read.
Here goes:
On the virgin and beautiful island there was a flourish green forest where plenty of animals live in. It's a fairly landscape with unnamed trees and limpid rivers. You can hear birds singing. You can see animals running and white clouds floating on the blue sky. Among the poetic forest. There's an amazing giant castle with a long and mysterious history. The castle is so splendor and spectacular. You have to walk across a large bridge to get to the castle. It has high walls and beautiful loft. The gate is so large that even a tank could drive through. Here is the most famous scenic spot. Each year thousands of travellers come to visit. They have to abide the rules made by the government to keep the place clean and lively. That's why the island can be as innocent as it was.

Come back tomorrow for more Engrish. I have an appointment today to get that tattooed down my back.


Laura H. said...

Love your crazy Chinese crap doll post. Amazing what actually gets on our shelves!
You might let me and my friend's new blog www.scarybaby.net.

Rowger said...

Defa Lucy stands in for
Deaf-A-Lucy or The Fallacy?

Unknown said...

Love this to bits! First thing i do whenever I sence a a bootleg toystore nearby, I run in looking for Defa Lucy! Oh such happy moments for me and my camera whenever we find her! Don´t know why I havent googled her before, but I am glad i finally did!

Linked to you in my blog!

Keep it up!