Girl, I Need To Check Out Your Box

I'm like the gynecologist of Engrish. Defa Lucy is my favorite. If I were an pimp she'd be the top ho in my stable. Her box always pleases.

Mermaid, Princess, and a Frog Prince? Fairytailz. Ur doin it rong.


She might also be a tranny. Not that there's anything wrong with that.


Are they saying she's high on cocaine?


Um, yes. There might also be some dust involved.


This btw, is from the front of the same box. I know you're high but pick a season, ditz.


That would have made more sense on the front of this box.


Enhance.


Mmm she just wore em up. Not a scrap left. And then she slowly dipped, she dip, she dip.


I don't care how beautiful, I would vanquish those demonic suits, just showing up, season after season...


Huh...


I love that it's the pencil holder that is aware of this knowledge now.


I think the tiny computer and Chris Brown should have a face off to see who can transform ya most.


Happy Family, Gay Dad. See how he's reaching for that purse, even with a broken arm?


I thought that was Mary Jane.


Her question-finger is in the right place, but question mark...not so much.


Ah, happiest childhood memories, walking away from the bar. What is this Defa anyway that it has a bar, and a Lucy?

Hey Hey Hey

it's

I'm not going to sing a song for you, but I will show you a thing or two...

I took a trip over to Brooklyn's Phat Albert Warehouse in Lefferts Gardens a while back, and found a most hilarious collection of Defa Lucy Dolls. This brand of dolls has definitely become my favorite thing to look for in discount stores thanks to the guaranteed laugh inducing copy on the boxes. Engrish, I love you so. Let's get started.

First up - The Elegance Series

Although I do love her stylish crocheted gowns that remind me of the Jamaican mesh explosion of the 1990's there's nothing much funny here until you get close up. Enhance.

Effulgent bead in slap-up thread? Oh, I'm mad cuz she's stylin' on me.

And from the side?


Brilliance and sparkling notions! I suggest everybody much more open out their noblest and elegant which are always latent. Please. Show us what you're working with.


Defa Lucy is a great source of elegance. This time she's getting married.





I've seen Super Cool Gal before, but this time she's black, so I'm going to join in this team, as requested. We have to stick together.


In an epic battle of copycattery, Real Barbie has fashion fever with little hangers, and drawers that open.


And in this corner, Fashion Girl with her swagger jack packaging has new fashion styls.


and a fashion neckcloth.
Keffiyeh's are what all the gay cool mormon hipster transplants to nyc are wearing these days, so this round goes to Fashion Girl. Barbie, consider yourself pwned.


This Defa Lucy appears to be some sort of flower garden variety. Let's check out what her box has to say:

well, in my opinionation, the sun is going to surely shine.


Here we have a pair of Black Russians.


Or, according to what the box says they're up to, they may be Icelandic. I remember reading a couple quotes from Björk a long time ago about how Icelandic people get drunk in the winter and scream at each other, and have sex in the snow between buildings. Sounds reallyromantic.


Check out Ballet Sheila, with her dulcet music.
She's all Zoe Saldana as Eva Rodriguez in the movie Center Stage, rolling with her vanilla crew of anorexics

Balletdancering of new century to the tunes of Michael Jackson and Jamiroquai.
See for yourself:



Oh, I'm wrong for that.

In all, I have to say that I was impressed by the racial sensitivity and care that was given in stocking these particular Defa Lucy dolls. Phat Albert's warehouse gets a thumbs up from me. Na na na, I totally had a good time.

Mo' Mo' Mo'

Back to the topic at hand: A pu pu platter of engrish tleats. Suckle on 'em.

actually,

I overlooked this fantastic Finery Moppet yesterday. I suppose it's "latest technology" could be a stealth, or a cloaking system that allowed it to fly under my radar undetected.

There she goes again. My main jumpoff, Benign Girl. She stays showing up, and I love her.
I've heard that she's been catching some fame, as a friend of mine told me she heard Benign Girl mentioned on NPR a couple of months ago. I also did a little research and found a ton of other Benign Girl pictures on Flickr. She's spreading y'all. If this continued unregulated and unchecked, she might become malignant.

Next week, I'm going to drive this car straight to Bryant Park

Correct. Honey is very good. I love it in my Fage greek strained yogurt. That shit is like crack. I found it in Amy Winehouse's beehive.

Keep telling yourself that. I watch Top Model, and those ladies cry all the time. Check any of Rich from Four Four's recaps, he documents tears very thoroughly.

These are cute. They kinda look like Ziggy.

Like baby Jessica.

It costs $6.00 and they want you to be careful.
I suppose if you're buying $6.00 porcelain, you can't afford anything else, so you probably should be careful with the few things you buy, because you won't be able to afford to replace it.

Money, cash.
Money, cash, drawers - WHAT?
(that was a remix)

Laser Pointer.
This is actually my favorite item out of them all.

Amazing.

I want to marry the person who chose this translation.
Or even better, someone who is willing to use a strong, silent type air touch piano in the sandstorm.

I also wouldn't mind swagger-jacking lil miss wavy keys' sci-fi outfit. Wearing it would mentally bring me closer to my dream of being an intergalactic hussy.

Um, what do the words Basketball, Prompting, and Amused have to do with each other?

Corny Monica.
Like Lewinsky's failed handbag line.
Also, that's not corn. It's a banana.

I need to thoroughly look through my archives...I might have even more for tomorrow. If not, toodles till the next time.