Thursday, March 27, 2008

They Tell Me, I Tell You

I've gotten about 30,000 e-mails from my friends in the past two days about this article in the New York Times, How to Survive in New York on 99 Cents, and the accompanying 99 cent store meal that Eric Ripert, Executive Chef of Le Bernadin, created.

Good looking out everyone. You know I don't read the New York Times. I also obviously don't need a 5 star chef, and a world renowned journalistic institution to tell me that all the good shit on earth isn't worth all the money they pay for it. Prices are going up. Wah! Now you see what it's like to look at your receipts, and make sure you didn't get robbed at the register, work your way up to $24 in your bank account so you can finally access your money by ATM machine, and pump your fist and cheer for your dusty complextion when you find St. Ives Apricot Scrub for a dollar rather than four.

The next thing you know, they'll be telling us that Soulja Boy (tell 'em) is the next big underground workout guru, inspiring people to get off their asses and crank their way out of obesity. Just so you know I told you first, I supermanned a ho, and it cured my diabeetus. Cranking That Robocop is working my cholesterol levels down like Mary J. Blige in 1994.

Tuesday, March 18, 2008

What Must They Think Of Me?

I check my traffic log, and often find myself laughing at the keywords that bring people to this website. Since I haven't posted in a minute, I thought I'd share to tide you over. A new post will be up soon, promise.

The consistant number 1 keyword search term that brings people to this site is Banana Tits. People search for such weird stuff...Here's my list of some of my faves in alphabetical order:

99 cent black phone sex
99 cent store personal lube
99 cents store musical los angeles
99 in spanish
agressive lesbo
banana tits
bastards poisoned my kid
bear oil for hair
before and after pictures of people who used mane and tail shampoo and conditioner
big black dick brooklyn
big black gay dicks
black hair is so sexy in the summer
black hair model agency
britney upskirt adventures
britney's maids sweatsuits
bucktooth stereotype
c.p time clothing
cheap abortion nj
club bitch day
counterfeit arm and hammer toothpaste
crack is back t shirt
crappy valentine
crazy hat store in jersey city, new jersey
creative memories consultant sued by company for selling on ebay
deaf filipino in new jersey
deficate in dreams
do you like dick totts?
fat tits an-accordion
fereshte farsi
filipino maids white babies
fist/arm mens ass pictures
fleshlight advice
fuck you emc mortgage
furtado fakes
giant banana tits
hair and but ass fat black girl
how to read pregnancy test from the 99c store
i love my nappy hair clothing
is vietnamese toothpaste safe
kinte cloth kitchen
la lakers sherwin williams
lesbionic woman
little orphan annie upskirt
long pointy banana tits
me chinese man, me make joke
me chinese me play joke origin
oh da toilette
old tussy
omarosa booty pic
penis overhang pictures
rain bonnet snapshot
sambos pizza
schatar eye
shooting at fred's dollar store
shovel shaped eye teeth
shovel shaped teeth
squeeze my ass jokes
tattoo of fereshte
tips how backflip figure skating
tommy lasorda drunk interview
upper eschelon lesbian
vagina sue
wash your ass video game music del tha funky homo
what isaw women douching pic
white flight jokes

I don't think posting this will make the keywords of the future any less hilarious, and I guess that's kind of the point. Perverts, weirdos, and fans of National Geographic style boobs.....welcome.